The Freedom of Letting Go: Learning to Love What I Have

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Today I quit the Peace group in my city. It wasn’t bringing peace to my life. It felt like this passive aggressive bubble was building and I found peace today in saying bye.

I’m not quite sure what’s happening in the world, it seems as though society is in disarray. Maybe if everyone would take two steps backward from every situation they’re apart of, take a deep breath and just be with themselves, we would feel a brief moment of peace, and that moment would cause a ripple effect unto the lives of those around us.

I took my two steps back today when I officially said bye to that group. My friend called me to talk about the terrible relationship he is in and it was the “straw that broke the camel’s back”.

He was talking about how he wants to leave but he doesn’t know where he wants to go, I brought up how we’re similar because I felt the same and then after hearing myself say all of that I realized, I don’t relate to that life anymore. It felt like I was letting the old me die in that phone conversation, letting that old me go so I can finally let who I want to be, who I am becoming, take hold. Maybe this won’t last forever, but I’ve found my place and I know it because of how it feels and that’s the most beautiful thing you can find in this mixed up world.

Then another phone conversation occurred after that one with a different friend. She told me how we’re both not good at being professional because of our emotional sides. I realized I don’t want to identify as that anymore either. I realized yesterday that I have emotional triggers and I’d rather recognize them than react to them, so I can flow more efficiently with this life.

One of the reasons that group became unhealthy for me was because one of the women in the group set off one of those emotional triggers inside of me and I started acting erratic because of it. I thought, “this isn’t healthy.” So I had to leave for my own well being. Then I realized that all my old friends coming to me and dumping their emotional baggage on me was just adding to this situation.

My friend’s mom, Judy, told me about a month or two ago that I’m learning discernment. A week ago she told me I’m learning boundaries. She taught me how they go hand in hand.

My life isn’t terrible at all, not in the least. I live at home with Mamaro, Smooch and Chobs. I hang out with my new artist friend, Bob, almost every night. I have an awesome room in a house in the middle of the country with a giant back yard that I roll around in sometimes. I have a job that I freakin’ really really love for the first time in a long time, seriously, all of my co-workers are cool, and I make art. I make art whenever the mood strikes and it’s awesome.

I realized I’m probably never going to visit my old bestie in her new city again because our lives are completely different and I’m not interested in her life anymore just like she’s no longer interested in mine. I’m probably never going to identify with my old party lifestyle ever again because I’m older now and I left it for a reason. I realized I don’t identify with most of the people from my past and that it’s okay to let a lot of them go because they just dump their shit on me and go.

Letting people go is okay, especially in the midst of designing a life you love.

So an hour ago I went to the beach and I sat on a park bench and wrote it all out. I realized, there’s is an honest truth that exists inside of me and if I honour that, I will feel completely free because it’s my true North and it’s never steered me wrong.

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