An Earnest Judgement

“I did not like you when I first met you.”

“I know.”

“I’m not sure why I treated you that way, but you have become my favourite person on this trip.”

The irony of some of my close friends is that some of them did not like me or even appreciate me being in their presence in the beginning. This thought has been spinning around in my mind since I got back from Egypt. My new sister, Kariman, told me she didn’t think we’d ever get along when we were in Brazil. I told her that was funny because I always knew we would. That conversation up above was on the last day in London with my roommate Chelsi, but it’s not unlike the very same conversation I had with Kariman in Egypt 5 years later.

I was thinking about Ceil, a woman I became good friends with earlier this year. I loved her, she was funny and insightful, an 80 year old who knew how to have a good time! Then I reflected back to her some of the thoughts she said to me as my own and she told me I should learn to love myself, so I pulled away. This statement made me close off to her because she thought I didn’t love myself because I was reflecting back to her the very same sentiments she told me a week prior. I judged her hard and didn’t talk to her again for three months. Then she had a stroke a month ago and I came to the hospital and we laughed again.

She opened up to me, “If you were to die now, would you be happy?”

I told her, “If I were to die now it wouldn’t matter because I’d be dead.” We shared a laugh and then I got more serious about the subject, “Honestly, if I were to die today I would be completely satisfied. I’ve done everything I’ve wanted to do in my life. There’s still some stuff I’d like to accomplish, but if I died today would I regret the life I’ve lived up until now? No, because I’ve loved everything I’ve done.”

We are not without judgment, no matter how hard we try, so why are we expecting others to not judge us? How many times have we wrongly judged others? How many times have we been wrongly judged? This holiday season besides giving thanks, practice humility and share some forgiveness too, we never know who needs love until we give it <333

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