It’s fucking hard. It’s really fucking hard. It’s easy to tell someone else they’re fucking up, but when you know it’s you that’s fucking up and something has to change? It’s a pain in the ass, because if you really want to change you have to pull your own self up by your bootstraps and climb your ass out of the emotional shit hole you’ve dug yourself into.
I just got back from a month long excursion to Colombia//Peru. I love traveling because I get to silence everyone else’s voices and listen to my own. I get to be in control of every decision I make. So when I realized that I keep making the same stupid mistakes that I was making when I was 25, it’s a wake up call for me. Realizing that my life has been on repeat since I was 25 is just fucking obnoxious to me and something has to change, because I’m not happy in this cycle any longer and that’s always my first cue that some shit’s about to change because I just don’t like being unhappy.
That’s not all I learned on this trip tho.
I finally learned my fucking worth, and that’s amazing. I’ve learned that I have to love myself first and foremost. I have to love myself enough to let go of everything that drains me, everything that distracts me, everything that pulls me down. I have to love myself enough to give myself what I want out of this life. I have to love myself enough to listen to what my soul is telling me: it’s time to grow up and move on.
What I want out of life is always changing, always malleable, always shifting, but what I’m drawn to hasn’t shifted: love, art, creative writing, travel, music, philosophy, psychology, intellectual conversations, dance parties, nights under the stars and millions of sunsets from anywhere.
So here’s to shifting the sails, changing directions and getting the fuck outta this shit hole 🙂